The Dark Tower

Warning: Minor Spoilers

Last September, I picked up The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger for the second time. The first time was many, many years ago. I had spent a summer reading It, and better part of the first semester of the Sixth Grade reading the expanded version of The Stand, and now considered myself a Stephen King Fan. Late-night marathons of movies like Maximum Overdrive and Pet Cemetery with my teenage step-sister and her hot friends did much to help that along.

So, when my step-sister lent me her copy of The Gunslinger, promising that it would probably be the favorite of a little geek like me, I immediately popped open a fresh can of Dr. Pepper and opened the book.

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

I then immediately closed the book because I had become so instantly bored, no other words on the page would focus. Instead, I spent the rest of the school year reading about a dozen Xanth novels and not talking to any girls. (Damn you, Piers Anthony. Damn you to hell.)

So, some twenty years later, when my roommates won't stop saying things like "cool as Roland" or "I went all Gilead on his ass," I decided to give it another try. And this time, as "the gunslinger followed," so did I.

Through seven fucking books I followed that son-of-a-bitch, all the way to The Dark Tower, the Axis Of Worlds.

Before I get into the books, because I'm going to go over each one individually, I'd like to take a moment to comment on Stephen King himself, and his writing style, which I now feel I am very familiar with.

King was once quoted as describing his own work as "The literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries"(source) and brother, I couldn't agree more. Not at all an insult or a downplay. A fair, honest assessment of Kings often ad-hoc, largely formulaic, and never very symbolic stories. I, for one, have experience many a burger and fry, both in the literary, cinematic, and culinary sense of the word. Some were better than others, but all filled me up right and left me largely not regretting that I had groked them. But, a burger is a burger. Rarely a grand piece of artistry and certainly not at all mind-bending or surprising in anyway. (Unless you count that criminally poor excuse for a "gourmet burger" they serve at Harvey's Comedy Club in Portland. Somebody needs to be drawn and quartered for that Fucking Disaster with Fries.)

As time went by and I worked my way through the books, also taking time to sideline discuss it and other works by King with my roommates, I began to grow familiar with King's pace, timing, and (dare I say) tricks. I found myself able to pick out moments when it was clear that King was trying to fill pages, or was stuck on how to bridge two or three predetermined plot points. By the time I was halfway through Book 5, I was able to predict them coming.

I admire and envy King for his ability to just spew untold gallons of juvenile crap into a typewriter and somehow have it all magically fall into place on the page as something that just about anybody in the world would enjoy at least one or two times in their life....like a Big Mac and fries.

All that said, let's a take a good hard look at his grand Opus, around which almost all other work he's done has revolved; The Dark Tower.

Book One: The Gunslinger
Our introduction to Roland and what we later come to assume is Mid-World. The whole thing is first given to us as it was conceived by King in the first place, an enigmatic almost-a-fairy-tale with a spaghetti western theme to it.

King mentions in his forward that he had been inspired by the Lord Of The Rings trilogy to create and entirely new world. He accomplishes this quite well, basing his new fantasy land off screwed symbology of American Cinema, in much the same vein that Tolken used old English mythology.

As the first book brings us through many parts of Mid-World, and even In-World (where lies Gilead), that it seems to me that King was more concerned with giving us the as-of-yet incomplete history of Mid-World with Roland as our unknowing tour guide rather than actually concerning himself with Roland's quest that much.

This is more evident when I notice an eleven year separation between the Copyright dates of the first two books.

What's most impressive about the first book, is how much of his fantasy world King fleshes out almost right away. Tiny hints and offhand regards peppered about The Gunslinger that become common themes or major hinges of King Books to come. A single mention of a half-crazed man with a bird's head, wandering the desert, muttering something about "algul siento." Those who have read Black House or Hearts In Atlantis might know something about this. This is also where we first meet the man known as Walter O'Dim, who shows his wicked face in many a King Book; most notably under the name of Randall Flagg in The Stand.

Talks of history, conflicting religions, even political and economic status of different parts of Mid-World. While most of Kings books, you can pretty easily see that most of his stories come almost directly out of his ass, The Gunslinger has an almost obsessive amount of polish to it.

And so, before there is even much concern about Roland's quest for the Dark Tower, The Gunslinger acts as a introductory guidebook to the universe that exists inside King's head, and is a linchpin to just about every story he's written since. I can see why, for fanatics of King's work, this would be considered the Holy Book of Genesis. For just as God had created the heavens and the earth, King created The Man In Black, and the gunslinger followed.

It is, in my opinion, the finest work that Stephen King has ever done. Too bad it was almost thirty years ago. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a fine Burger and Fries, but the care he put into that first great tale has not been followed up since.

Book Two: The Drawing of The Three
Even though eleven years had gone by between the first two books, it was not as though King was just makin' this shit up as he went along. He knew full well what he wanted to do to Roland as the quest ran on, and even warned him about it with a prophecy or two from a couple of demons in the first book.

So picking up right where he left off, King put Roland back on track and in the path of...well, some seriously weird shit.

King's infamous magical doors between the worlds become the centerpiece of this story as Roland collects his travel companions, Eddie and Susanna, from different corners of time and space.

The story of Eddie Dean is like reading an episode of The Sopranos. Junkies, tough guys, weaselly little shits, and self-absorbed crime bosses, and one stupid mistake after another. The only person in the whole story that doesn't piss you off for being a complete dickhead, is Roland.

Next we meet Odetta Holmes in tandem with her split personality, Detta Walker. Both of them infuriating in their own way. Odetta being far too proper, prim, and delicate to ever belong in an adventure or quest of any kind. Detta on the other is, for lack of a better word, the worst kind of Nigger Bitch you could ever come across.

And, for some reason that I can't seem to wrap my head around, the powers of fate alone allow Odetta and Detta to physically become two separate people and duke it out (like Clark Kent vs. Drunk, Pissed Off Superman in Superman III), and eventually fuse back together as the single-minded Susanna. This is one of those moments where I feel King was really, really reaching.

It's a necessary part of the Dark Tower Story, and therefore cannot be skipped over. But it is hard to get through since Eddie and Susanna are first introduced to us as people that will clearly be more detrimental to Roland than helpful. And frankly, quite annoying to read.

However, to offer some leeway to King, it is a good start to the illustration of how much these two change over the course of the quest, as they do (slowly) become quite likable.

Book Three: The Waste Lands
And now that we've spent two whole books jacking-off over character development, we finally get on the damn road to The Tower. We start off by learning a little bit more the largely mysterious history of Mid-World, and our team of "heroes" find the path that will actually lead them directly to the Dark Tower, even though they don't have the first clue as to how long it will take them to get there.

The quest is sidelined as Jake Chambers, an annoying little shit of a kid that was introduced and killed (twice) in the first book, is brought back to life and drawn into Mid-World to join the quest.

Again, the most interesting parts of this book revolve around learning more and more about the fantasy world that King has created. The downside is that we also get heavy doses of what King refers to as ka; which I think is short for ka-nvenience. This is a common theme in all of King's books, where the protagonists of the story are only able to survive or succeed because of extremely conveniently placed items, persons, or psychic abilities. Every single one of King's books lean on this crutch, and most of the Dark Tower Series seems to be written around the goal of making excuses for all of them.

It is one of the faster paced of the books, and even ended on a cliffhanger; which I'm sure did more than just piss off all of the loyal fans that had to wait for the next book to be published all those years ago. Lucky for me, I already had the next book on hand, and after trudging through the first two books, The Waste Lands was the first of the series that actually made me want to pick up the next one as soon as possible.

Book Four: Wizard And Glass
Most of this book was a fantastic waste of time. Very little progress is made in the quest. And while we get a mildly amusing visit from our old nemesis, Randall Flagg, 90 percent of the book tells the story (in excruciatingly painful detail) of Roland's very first mission as an official Gunslinger of Gilead. Granted, it's an important story, telling us of how the war that laid waste to Mid-World began, giving us more history on the life of Roland and his long-dead friends, introducing us to The Crimson King (the big bad villain of the Dark Tower story), and even telling the tale of Roland's first and only love.

But seriously, the story could have been told quite effectively in about a tenth of the pages. I have never been so bored with a book in my life. I would dare say to those of you who have not read this series yet, feel free to skip this book. It's a waste of a tree, and the only important parts of it are reiterated quite effectively in the following books.

Book Five: The Wolves of the Calla
After the painful disappointment of Book Four, Book Five became my favorite of the series. King decided to go back to the real inspiration of his series, The Western, and decided to create his own retelling of The Magnificent Seven. This is a theme I have always loved. Magnificent Seven, Seven Samurai, and A Bug's Life are among my favorite movies.

And so, our heroes find themselves aiding the small town of Calla Bryn Sturgis to defend themselves against the demonic hordes of child-thieves called The Wolves.

This one is even faster paced than The Waste Lands had been, and gives us even more clues into the grand scheme behind Mid-World's history and The Crimson King's evil plan.

Even more interesting is when we meet Pere Callahan, who was once Father Callahan of Jerusalem's Lot. Even more interesting is when a momentary travel through one of the Magic Doors between Calla Bryn Sturgis and New York City, Father Callahan discovers a book called Salem's Lot in which he is a character. (Remember that whole "ka-nvenience" thing I mentioned before? King really starts to tie it together here.)

All together, this was a great book, my favorite of the series as I said before. Fun, fast, and even funny at times. Another cliffhanger ending takes us on to the next installment...

Book Six: Song of Susanna
By now our heroes (I don't put it in quotes this time, because they have finally grown enough to actually be considered heroes) have learned enough about The Crimson King and his minions to know that their quest to find The Dark Tower includes the task of saving The Tower from the disastrous designs of the Mad King's plans. So they now hatch a several pronged plan to rescue the kidnapped Susanna, infiltrate and sabotage the King's operations, and to even make contact with the young author Stephen King. That's right, King writes himself into the story (not in a too self-flattering way, mind you) as a final explanation to all the ka-nveniences of his stories.

He writes himself as a sort of instrument of the forces of fate, who is able to place all of the convinces into the path of his heroes like a benevolent demi-god who doles out the manna like it's Christmas every day in the name of The Greater Good; a.k.a. The Happy Ending.

There's not much more that can be said about this book, other than it now picks up the pace on bringing a close to the journey of our heroes, as it is the second to last book. The events of this book flow so quickly into the next that it is hard to separate the last two books as two books. They read almost like the last few episodes of a long running TV series. It makes it difficult to say much about this book on it's own, because it is written to be a reflection of the entire series as a whole.

Book Seven: The Dark Tower
I didn't actually read this book. It landed on shelves just after I landed in China, and I wasn't able to get my hands on a copy in English. Instead, I downloaded an unabridged audio book and sat back with my iPod for over twenty-six hours. I'm happy to say that I don't feel I lost anything with this method. In fact, it was a perfect method in making sure I wasn't ever tempted to skip over any of the heftier looking paragraphs. I actually the whole and complete story this time.

This book went from fast paced, to excruciatingly slow, to fast paced again, to long stretches of nothing, and back and forth and back and forth. It was a long fucking book.

King writes himself into this one as well, and even attributes his survival of being hit by a van back in '99 to last-minute intervention from Roland and Jake.

Like Song of Susanna this book is not as self-contained as the others. It is the wrap-up of the whole series and is, in a sense, the entire series in one book. If you've already made your way through the first five, six and seven are read because you have to, not because they are self-supporting works of literature.

As far as the ending goes, I have not yet come to grips as to my opinion of it. I'm sure that King must have been wrestling with himself for months as to the most appropriate way to close the great epic that he had begun almost thirty years ago. He must have known that no matter what happened, the throngs of fans that had amassed over the years would be angry with him for some reason. He even tries desperately to explain at one point how "it's the journey itself that really matters, isn't it?"

The stress must've been killing him.

I suppose I could give him that credit. How many of us have planned road trips without giving a shit where we end up, so long as there are enough interesting places on the way there?

But as the journey goes, I am glad I took it. It may or may not ever have the cultural impact that Lord Of The Rings had, but that isn't for me to decide.

Down to it, I would think that anyone who has ever enjoyed any of Stephen King's work should definitely partake in this series. If you have any life at all, it may take you the better part of a year to get through it, but you'll be glad you did.

If you've read or plan on reading all of the Lord Of The Rings books, the Harry Potter series, or any number of the Xanth novels, then you should definitely read The Dark Tower series since it won't take you any less time, and carries with it all the same elements of epic adventure and fantastic escape that these books do.

Otherwise, don't. I don't really care either way.